I’ve been quiet over the past few weeks, especially last week; a lot was going on, and I had to handle things behind the scenes. As a one-woman operation, I often have to shift my focus when something demands more of my attention. Currently, I’m working with my literary agent to finalize my book proposal for submission, and the last stages have taken longer than expected. Much of this involves carefully reviewing the proposal to ensure that all my claims are supported by research and properly cited. It’s important to me that when I discuss these topics, particularly when making broad statements about systems, history, and culture, I can substantiate what I say.
My kids are still on summer break and will be for several more weeks. We live in Western Washington, where summer break starts in late June and continues until after Labor Day. I want to spend meaningful time with them now before the busy school year begins again. I’m also helping my oldest prepare for college move-in. His university’s semester starts at the end of September, so he’s watching his high school friends move into their dorms and start college while he waits. He’s feeling anxious, and I sense a sense of being left behind as others progress while he’s still waiting. Right now, I am trying to be present, supporting him through this big transition, and reminding him that his timeline is just different, not behind.
This summer, my family and I have really gotten into disc golf and thrifting. All three of our kids enjoy it, and as anyone with kids at different ages knows, finding an activity everyone agrees on makes it THE activity we do. Disc golfing keeps us outside and active, which is especially important to me as I work on regaining mobility. We’ve also been hiking, and I didn’t realize how much I needed that. After recovering from a major back injury and actively working on it for four years, completing any hike feels like a milestone. I recently got fitted for a hiking pack at REI, and I am incredibly excited about it. I dislike feeling limited, and my natural instinct is to find a way around or through restrictions. Healing from an injury is frustrating because there’s no way to speed it up, which is especially hard for me since I become very impatient when my body doesn’t heal on my timeline. Back to the backpack—it has space for a water bladder, distributes weight evenly, and I really like it. We hiked at Mount Tahoma (Rainier) this past weekend, and the only weight I carried was the water bladder. It gave me the opportunity to work on my posture and re-train my body to carry weight without overdoing it. I was sore afterward, but not incapacitated. I worried I might reach a point where my body couldn’t handle it, but I went ahead anyway. I did it despite my fears.
I still experience sciatic pain by the end of the day, typically around 6:00 p.m., though on some days I can go until 7:00. I’m hopeful that someday this window will extend further. My goal is to return to hiking Skyline or the Pebble Creek Loop, and perhaps next year I might even hike to Camp Muir. For now, I’m learning to appreciate these gradual improvements and, more importantly, to enjoy the process itself. Growing up in a Christian nationalist environment taught me to focus almost solely on the destination — always aiming for a next step or level of faith I was supposed to reach. Staying in one place for too long meant you risked becoming distracted, complacent or giving Satan an opportunity to pull you off course. I no longer wish to live this way. This injury has been terrible, and I refuse to believe suffering serves some higher purpose. However, I can decide what I gain from this experience. I’ve learned to slow down, stop focusing solely on how fast I reach my goals, and instead, appreciate the journey while still experiencing it.
I am currently working on my book and releasing the remaining parts of this project, which has taken years to develop. Since some of the research was conducted several years ago, I have been revisiting the statistics, sources, and studies to ensure the information I share is accurate and up to date. Upcoming sections include Part Three of Youth of a Nation; youth group and testimony culture; education; hell; the rapture; martyrdom culture; worship; dying to myself; spiritual bypassing; deconstructing; and life beyond no contact. No contact is a nuanced and complex topic. It is rarely a spontaneous decision and is almost always a last resort after other attempts at maintaining a relationship have failed. I came face-to-face with that reality again this past week when one of my parents attempted to contact one of my children. It resulted in a swift email from me, an uncomfortable exchange, and, two days later, another attempt to contact me. I do not know what prompted the sudden attempts to reach out, and I probably never will. What I do know is that my responsibility is not to decipher their motivation. It is to reiterate the boundaries already established, refuse to be pulled back into the emotional cycle, and continue moving forward.
I hope you are all doing well, and thank you for supporting this project by liking and commenting on my posts. You are encouraging dialogue and contributing more than you know!
Thank you,
S
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Thanks for the updates! I've really appreciated your writings. Be safe out there, and I hope the sciatica eases up.