Stephanie, thank you for this courageous piece. You’ve captured with startling clarity the disorienting double life many of us lived inside fundamentalist evangelicalism; where fear was rebranded as faith, control was sold as conviction, and silence was mistaken for sanctification.
Your reflections on fear conditioning, delayed intellectual confidence, and the grief of losing a version of God weaponized for compliance hit especially hard. I deeply appreciate how you name the lingering impacts, not as flaws or failures, but as the hard-earned wisdom of survivors. That final line: “This is not just our past; it is your present” is both a warning and a call.
Thank you for writing this. For so many of us still parsing memory from manipulation, your voice is so timely and welcome.
I always appreciate your posts. I didn't grow up fundamentalist, just evangelical. But I see the patterns you point out, and how they have led us to this Christian Nationalist bullshit. And while I was super proud of myself for protesting on Saturday and pushing past the fear of disapproval, I did not share my accomplishment with my family that is still deeply immersed in the MAGA cult.
I am with you. My own daughters have done a lot to help me come out of fears of what my family will think. I am grateful I was raised to know and love Jesus but have seen my family embroiled in the Trump nationalism and lies these last years. So hard.
You are really capturing the essence of fundamentalism. I walked away 15 years ago, and I can still see some of of that in my life. Thanks for writing down your thoughts on Substack. I also have a Substack page, at @dougsmith801323.
Thank you for your sharing your story. I did not grow up in a evangelical/fundamentalist home. Far from it. But it was very toxic, phycologically abusive and run by a narcissist. When reading the effects list. I could resonate with most of them.
As I age, I am amazed at the generational trauma that hurts many of us but can come to be from very different sources.
Thank you so much for your courage not only to face this in your own life, but to share what it has been like for yourself and others. I do think that you're right, that this has been a purposeful project to control American society. A cousin of mine got caught up in a Christian cult, and his daughter freed herself. It was heartbreaking to hear from her the extent of cruel control was exerted by the group's leaders. with deep appreciation for your bravery...
When I was a young mom, 46 years ago, I raised my first 3 children with the heavy influence of Dr. Dobson teaching. My belief system started to change by the time child #4 came along - that being 38 years ago.
Since that time my faith has greatly changed - though I still consider myself a Christian. But statements of faith, that I stood firmly on, no longer exist. Such as, I no longer believe people need to believe exactly as I do - or they will go to hell.
Love casts out fear. God is Love.
Friends, who I have loved & cared about for over 40 years (we were young moms together & attended the same Bible Study & Church) now are concerned for my soul.
Some are MAGA Christians and this has been quite a stumbling block in our relationship. I can no longer agree with the Salvation Message as was taught to me as a teenager & young adult.
This has been heartbreaking & difficult for years, but more so now in this age of Trump.
I fled fundamentalist religion 48 years ago. Some of my family have continued in this belief. At times, it still haunts me. Thank you for writing my story.
Everything above rings true. I may have just identified the moment when the first crack emerged in the edifice for me. I came from a large family of committed Evangelicals (I’m older than you… so please humor my ancient story). But when reading this, it took me back to a Sunday afternoon drive, where of course, after church we drove around with 5 squirming kids in the back seat listening to… you guessed it… More sermons! Anyway, suddenly the opening riff to Satisfaction by the Stones cut through… (all praise to Keith Richards!) Followed by some Southern preacher going on and on about how you cain’t get no satisfaction in this life ‘cept by putting your faith and trust in Jayzus (yes, really pronounced it that way. And for the first time in my 8 year old mind, something triggered doubt! That was the coolest thing I’d ever heard. Thinking back, maybe it still is!
Years ago, I received a family into the Orthodox Church. They had been active at a local Evangelical church. The Evangelical pastor pressed the husband to stay. When that didn't work, he enlisted the board of elders to question him about the decision again to get him to change his mind. On the family's last day, the pastor took the wife aside to say that her husband had been brainwashed into joining "a gnostic, icon worshipping cult," but not to worry, the congregation had s safe house prepared for her and the children.
Stephanie, thank you for your clarity and measure about the trauma that is at the center of your life right now. The long and painful process you are going through is familiar to me, and I deeply appreciate your insight into recovering from trauma inflicted by your family, even when it is not deliberate.
So good and thorough, Yes!! 8 years cult living here in the context of 50 years deep in evangelical Christianity. I applaud your brilliant and clear writing!!
Stephanie, thank you for this courageous piece. You’ve captured with startling clarity the disorienting double life many of us lived inside fundamentalist evangelicalism; where fear was rebranded as faith, control was sold as conviction, and silence was mistaken for sanctification.
Your reflections on fear conditioning, delayed intellectual confidence, and the grief of losing a version of God weaponized for compliance hit especially hard. I deeply appreciate how you name the lingering impacts, not as flaws or failures, but as the hard-earned wisdom of survivors. That final line: “This is not just our past; it is your present” is both a warning and a call.
Thank you for writing this. For so many of us still parsing memory from manipulation, your voice is so timely and welcome.
I always appreciate your posts. I didn't grow up fundamentalist, just evangelical. But I see the patterns you point out, and how they have led us to this Christian Nationalist bullshit. And while I was super proud of myself for protesting on Saturday and pushing past the fear of disapproval, I did not share my accomplishment with my family that is still deeply immersed in the MAGA cult.
I am with you. My own daughters have done a lot to help me come out of fears of what my family will think. I am grateful I was raised to know and love Jesus but have seen my family embroiled in the Trump nationalism and lies these last years. So hard.
You are really capturing the essence of fundamentalism. I walked away 15 years ago, and I can still see some of of that in my life. Thanks for writing down your thoughts on Substack. I also have a Substack page, at @dougsmith801323.
Thank you for your sharing your story. I did not grow up in a evangelical/fundamentalist home. Far from it. But it was very toxic, phycologically abusive and run by a narcissist. When reading the effects list. I could resonate with most of them.
As I age, I am amazed at the generational trauma that hurts many of us but can come to be from very different sources.
I also read too many on the effects list that resonated, and my source for it was not religious.
Thank you so much for your courage not only to face this in your own life, but to share what it has been like for yourself and others. I do think that you're right, that this has been a purposeful project to control American society. A cousin of mine got caught up in a Christian cult, and his daughter freed herself. It was heartbreaking to hear from her the extent of cruel control was exerted by the group's leaders. with deep appreciation for your bravery...
When I was a young mom, 46 years ago, I raised my first 3 children with the heavy influence of Dr. Dobson teaching. My belief system started to change by the time child #4 came along - that being 38 years ago.
Since that time my faith has greatly changed - though I still consider myself a Christian. But statements of faith, that I stood firmly on, no longer exist. Such as, I no longer believe people need to believe exactly as I do - or they will go to hell.
Love casts out fear. God is Love.
Friends, who I have loved & cared about for over 40 years (we were young moms together & attended the same Bible Study & Church) now are concerned for my soul.
Some are MAGA Christians and this has been quite a stumbling block in our relationship. I can no longer agree with the Salvation Message as was taught to me as a teenager & young adult.
This has been heartbreaking & difficult for years, but more so now in this age of Trump.
I fled fundamentalist religion 48 years ago. Some of my family have continued in this belief. At times, it still haunts me. Thank you for writing my story.
Everything above rings true. I may have just identified the moment when the first crack emerged in the edifice for me. I came from a large family of committed Evangelicals (I’m older than you… so please humor my ancient story). But when reading this, it took me back to a Sunday afternoon drive, where of course, after church we drove around with 5 squirming kids in the back seat listening to… you guessed it… More sermons! Anyway, suddenly the opening riff to Satisfaction by the Stones cut through… (all praise to Keith Richards!) Followed by some Southern preacher going on and on about how you cain’t get no satisfaction in this life ‘cept by putting your faith and trust in Jayzus (yes, really pronounced it that way. And for the first time in my 8 year old mind, something triggered doubt! That was the coolest thing I’d ever heard. Thinking back, maybe it still is!
Love your writing. Thanks!
Religions are created by men, to hold patriarchy in place.
They use fear and indoctrination to control, dominate, and own people.
Just like abusers.
I developed my intuition, to connect directly with Source.
I do not use male names and pronouns for Divine Spirit.
Divine Spirit is the energy of love, peace, and joy.
Divine Spirit does not have a body, and certainly is not male.
More appropriate names would be things like Divine Spirit, The Divine, The Creator, The One, The Source, The Light, Great Spirit, etc.
The appropriate pronouns are the non gendered ones “they/them”.
Years ago, I received a family into the Orthodox Church. They had been active at a local Evangelical church. The Evangelical pastor pressed the husband to stay. When that didn't work, he enlisted the board of elders to question him about the decision again to get him to change his mind. On the family's last day, the pastor took the wife aside to say that her husband had been brainwashed into joining "a gnostic, icon worshipping cult," but not to worry, the congregation had s safe house prepared for her and the children.
Stephanie, thank you for your clarity and measure about the trauma that is at the center of your life right now. The long and painful process you are going through is familiar to me, and I deeply appreciate your insight into recovering from trauma inflicted by your family, even when it is not deliberate.
So good and thorough, Yes!! 8 years cult living here in the context of 50 years deep in evangelical Christianity. I applaud your brilliant and clear writing!!
Thank you, walked that road and now left. Your description is correct. It is nice to know I am not alone in my journey.
Once again, so well written. You describe it so well.